The M-Word
by Little Minamino
Summary: 13 year old Edward makes a perfectly understandable mistake, much to his shock and horror. Rated for language.


**The M-word**

* * *

"Damn bastard," Ed said as he left the Colonel's office, waiting for Alphonse to follow him out before slamming the door behind them. Hawkeye looked up from her desk where she'd been going through her paperwork and frowned.

"You really shouldn't say things like that, brother," Al scolded and Ed scoffed.

"Why not? It's the truth! The Colonel is a complete bastard!"

"You're brother's right, Ed," Hawkeye said evenly. "That kind of language is both offensive and inappropriate. Especially for someone your age. I'll ask you not to use it anymore. And you certainly know better than to slam the doors."

Ed had the grace to blush as he looked down at the floor. He fisted the too long sleeves of his jacket and scuffed his foot along the carpet.

"Sorry mom."

Ed froze, his eyes wide in horror as his mouth worked over the words that just escaped.

_Sorry mom_.

Why did he say that? Hawkeye wasn't his mom. He _had_ a mom. They didn't even look alike!

"Just make sure you remember in the future, Edward," Hawkeye said, completely unfazed. She tapped some papers against the desk to straighten them out.

His mom's hair was brown and her eyes were brown and her face was soft and kind. Ed closed his eyes and drew up a picture of his mother. It was hazy.

_Sorry mom_.

"…no."

Hawkeye looked up. "What was that Ed?"

He sketched her face out in his mind recalling every detail that he could but it was never enough. It didn't look right. Was her nose strait or curved or sloped?

_Sorry mom_.

"No."

"Edward?"

Why did her eyes look red? And her hair was much darker than that! And she wore it in a low pony-tail, not pinned up! Didn't she?

_Sorry mom_.

"Brother? Are you okay? You don't look good."

He was trembling and the world was beginning to blur around him. The ground shifted and he stumbled.

"Edward!" "Brother!"

Why couldn't he remember? Why couldn't he _remember_?!

_Sorry mom_.

Hawkeye leapt forward and caught his shoulders. Worry lined her face, her features over lapping with Ed's faint memories of his mother Trisha until they blurred together and the brown bled out into honey blonde hair and red-brown eyes. Her palm was on his forehead to check his temperature and then to his wrist for his pulse.

"Edward? Can you hear me? Ed?"

There was nothing left of Trisha, only Riza Hawkeye and her blonde hair and her red eyes and her round face and her calloused hands. Did his mother have rough hands? Soft hands? Were they long and thin like Riza's or—?

_Sorry mom_.

"No!" Ed shoved her away as hard as he could and she cried out in surprise as she fell backwards to land on the floor.

"You're not my fucking mother!" Ed yelled, trembling as he towered over Hawkeye with his fists clenched and his face twisted into an ugly scowl. In that moment, he well and truly hated Riza Hawkeye.

Hawkeye's head smacked against a filing cabinet but Ed didn't care. He was actually glad. How dare she try and take his mother's place with her hair and her eyes and her face, talking like she had any right to tell him what to do or what to say or how to act! She didn't have that right. She had _no right_!

"Brother how could you!" Alphonse cried out, hurrying towards Hawkeye with his hands out stretched and worry practically radiating off every inch of his metal frame. "Lieutenant, are you okay?"

She winced, pushing herself up with one hand while the other was pressed gently against the back of her skull. "I-I'm alright Alphonse."

"You're bleeding—!"

Realization rushed through Ed like ice-water in his veins and he gasped, falling back a step and staring at his trembling hands in horror.

"What's going on out here—?" Mustang stepped out of his office and froze at the sight of Alphonse helping his Lieutenant off the floor, her honey blonde hair pink with blood. "Lieutenant!"

He rushed passed Edward and to her side, helping Alphonse lift her into a nearby chair. He pulled and handkerchief from his pocket and gently moved her hand so he could dab at the wound. She winced.

"I'm fine Colonel, it was just an accident—"

"No it wasn't!" Alphonse said, rounding on Ed with all the righteous furry he could muster. "Ed pushed her! How _could_ you?"

"I—" Ed fumbled. "I didn't mean—it wasn't—"

"You _pushed_ her—?" the colonel said, his face vacillating between shock and rage.

"Colonel." Hawkeye grabbed his wrist as he started to stand and he instantly stilled. He turned to her, clearly speechless with anger but she just shook her head. She was defending him. Tears blurred Ed's eyes and his breathing hitched with a half suppressed sob. Why was she defending him? He _hurt_ her. He pushed her with his automail and could have _killed_ her—

"Ed." She held out her hand for him, beaconing him forward and Ed's eyes shot from her to Mustang to Alphonse. Al was stiff, his posture angry and wary and he clearly didn't want to let Ed come closer but Hawkeye waved him forward again and Al reluctantly took a step back. Mustang was also eyeing him, torn between concern and mistrust and that hurt so much more than it should. Ed stepped just close enough that her fingers could touch the flesh of his left wrist before they slowly trailed up his arm.

"I know I'm not your mother, Edward." She said it softly with so much care and compassion and not a shred of anger or accusation. Ed's lips trembled but he refused to cry. He was thirteen years old now, he was far too old to cry.

"I never tried to be," she continued. "I _would never_ try. But Ed, just because I'm not your mother, does that mean I can't care?"

His knees felt too weak to hold him and Ed stumbled two steps forward before he managed to regain his footing. Hawkeye's hand closed firmly but soothingly around his elbow and she smiled. Ed sobbed and he brought his sleeve cover automail up to hide his tears.

"I'm sorry," he choked out and Hawkeye's thumb rubbed circles into the skin of his inner elbow.

"I know."

* * *

Kaliea: So I remember being in middle school (sixth grade) and I went up to my teacher's desk to give her something and I accidently called her mom and she just…rolled with it because, clearly I was not the first student to have ever made that mistake. I was a bit embarrassed but otherwise fine because obviously she wasn't my mom, just a female authority figure in a relatively maternal role so it wasn't odd that my brain would associate her with the most important female authority figure in a decidedly maternal role that I have in my life. But I think Ed wouldn't be quite so accepting of it. He would be horrified and lash out because he already had a mom and he risked so much to save her that the idea of putting someone else in that role would feel like he was betraying her. And yes, I know that Izumi is also a female authority figure in a relatively maternal role, but hers is an _established_ maternal role and, as much as she loves Ed and Al, I really can't see them mistaking her as their mother. She's more like a favorite, very eccentric aunt. So anyway, that's what brought this on and while it's not exactly the way I first imagined it going, I'm still fairly satisfied ^-^ Don't forget to review!


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